Death of a Selachii

Session One: 5th April
Murder Most Morporkian

Our heroes arrived at Pseudopolis Yard bright and early, and were greeted by Sergeant Cheery Littlebottom at the front desk. When they revealed they were the new recruits she went to fetch Sergeant Colon. He took the new recruits out to the yard to find uniforms and finds out their names. They went to the canteen where Commander Vimes addresses all the watch mentioning that this week is important due to a trade agreement being signed by Borogravia, Slobenia and Uberwald. He instructed a number of the Watch on their patrols when he was interrupted by Constables Ping and Dorfl rushing in declaring that there had been a murder. Commander Vimes instructed Sergeant Littlebottom to take Constable Dorfl and the new recruits to the crime scene. When they arrived on Scoone Avenue there was already a large crowd assembled as Lady Selachii was screaming that a vampire murdered her son. Sacharissa Cripslock and Otto Chriek of the Ankh Morpork Times were also there making notes and taking pictures. Constables Bluejohn and Micah are kept the crowd back while Lady Selachii was supported by her butler. The housekeeper and maid stood on the steps. Sergeant Littlebottom asked Jeeves if he could show them crime scene and he agreed and left Lady Selachii with the housekeeper.

 

After following Jeeves up the stairs, down the hallway and enter one of the rooms on the left they entered the drawing room. Lord Robert was slumped in the wingback chair in front of the fireplace, his arms hang lifeless over the arms of the chair and his head leant over to the right revealing two wounds on his neck. Sergeant Littlebottom took a number of iconographs and Constable Bluejohn came in carrying a sheet which he used to wrap the body before carrying it out of the room. Lance Corporal Gummidge investigated the area by the fireplace and found broken glass on the floor with liquid that smelt alcoholic. Lance Corporal Cinder investigated under the chair and desk and found that there was a crack in the leg and also that the rug had been moved. Lance Corporal Valley investigated the desk and found a letter that read "Dear Father, I regret to…". There was no quill on the desk and the window above it was open which Jeeves confirmed was closed when he left Lord Robert. Lance Corporal Gummidge jimmied open the desk drawers with his pike as only Lord Robert had the key. The drawers contained two $100 bank notes and one $200 bank note, writing paper, miscellaneous stationary and a copy of the children's book "Where's My Cow?". Sergeant Littlebottom gathered the evidence and placed it in bags.

 

The Lance Corporals questioned Jeeves about the events of the previous evening and discovered that Lord Robert went to the Opera but returned at around 10pm, earlier than expected, drunk and agitated. It was revealed that the glass on the floor was from Lord Robert knocking the decanter off the sideboard, he dismissed Jeeves before he could clean it up and locked the door behind the Butler, at which point Jeeves retired to bed. He also mentioned that Lady Selachii, Evangeline and Mrs Hemmings, the housekeeper, had retired before Lord Robert returned. Lance Corporal Jenkins investigated the room to the right of the drawing room and discovered nothing but furniture covered with dust sheets and the smell of disuse. As Jeeves lead them to the kitchen to question Evangeline, the maid, they looked in other rooms and discovered that most were similarly covered with dust sheets. There was one other small drawing room with similar furniture as Lord Robert's but with a few more feminine touches. Evangeline was waiting in the kitchen. She revealed that she found the body when she took Lord Robert his morning coffee. When questioned she revealed that Lord Selachii, Lord Robert's father, has not been in Ankh Morpork for six years. She also revealed that Lord Robert does not have any lady friends although he may visit the Ladies of negotiable affection. She also mentioned that there was a long running feud between the Selachiis and the Venturis. Evangeline said that Arris drove him to and from the Opera House and that he can be found in the stable yard.

 

The Lance Corporals go out to the stable yard and find Arris shoveling up after the horses of which there are two, he tells them that he took Lord Robert to the Opera House around 6.30pm. While he was inside Arris went round the back to see his girlfriend Flossy who is apprenticed to the costume department, he was having a cup of tea when one of the stage hands told him Lord Robert was leaving in a terrible temper. Arris went back to the carriage and noticed Lord Robert was mumbling angrily as he slammed the door behind himself. Lance Corporal Gummidge then entered a line of questioning that Arris found offensive and he refused to answer anymore questions. The Lance Corporals investgated the carriage but all they found was a black handkerchief monogrammed with Lord Robert’s initials. When they reentered the house they found Lady Selachii in the hallway. She confirmed that she was already in bed by the time Lord Robert returned from the Opera and that she ate dinner alone as per usual. Lance Corporal Valley used his diagnostic skills to see if there was anything wrong with her that might prevent her from going out but it turned out she’s just an old and very disagreeable lady. The questioning upset Lady Selachii and she refused to continue talking and made her way upstairs closely followed by Mrs Hemmings. Jeeves showed the Lance Corporals out.

 

When they stepped out on to the street the crowd had grown larger and were asking questions which the Lance Corporals did their best to deflect. Lance Corporal Knocks seized his opportunity to introduce the rapt crowd to the wonders of Om but as soon as he began to ask if they were familiar with his chosen deity the crowd dispersed quickly. Lance Corporal Gummidge began questioning Otto Chriek of the Ankh Morpork Times and asked him to empty his pockets. The vampire surprised and bewildered began to do so when Sacharissa Cripslock stopped him and began to question Lance Corporal Gummidge. Just then Commander Vimes arrived with Sergeant Detritus and he demanded that Miss Cripslock leave immediately, she complied and escorted a tearful Otto away. The Lance Corporals revealed to Commander Vimes what they found and suggested that the Venturis could have been behind the murder. Commander Vimes dismisses this and said that if the Venturis were to have done it they would have hired an assassin who would have left a note. He suggested that the best use of their time would be to look at Lord Robert’s body and to question staff at the Opera House. Lance Corporals Gummidge, Chant and Knocks volunteered to go to the Opera House while Lance Corporals Valley, Jerkson, Jenkins and Cinder volunteered to go to the morgue at the Watch house.

 

Lance Corporals Gummidge, Chant and Knocks arrived at the Opera House and found the front doors locked so made their way to the stage doors at the side. An old man answered, let them in and then went to find Flossy. She confirmed what Arris told them and that she didn’t know anything more. At their request she went to fetch the Opera House manager Mr Virens. He revealed that Lord Robert had been arguing with someone in his box and when he came out he got into an altercation with the ushers and punched one of them and that he had to be forcibly ejected from the Opera House. The Lance Corporals asked if they could question the ushers and Mr Virens agreed although he said they wouldn’t be in until noon, it being only 10am they decide to go get a drink and return after 12pm.

 

Lance Corporals Valley, Jerkson, Jenkins and Cinder arrived back at the Watch house and were directed to the basement where they met Igor, the Watch’s resident surgeon and mortician. He showed them the body of Lord Robert and directed them to his belongings. The Lance Corporals investigated the belongings which are the usual three piece suit made of high quality fabric in black, the only other contents are a pocket watch in the waistcoat. There is no sign of the quill or the desk drawer key. When asked Igor confirmed that the wounds were comparable to a vampire bite and he would know as he was from Uberwald. Lance Corporal Valley examines the body and discovered that to the left of the wounds on his neck was a tiny red dot. Igor said that he and Sergeant Littlebottom had yet to carry out any chemical tests but that they would let the Lance Corporals know the results. The Lance Corporals go to the canteen to wait for their comrades.

 

At around 1pm Lance Corporals Gummidge, Chant and Knocks returned to the Opera House and found the front doors were now open. They asked Mr Virens to speak to the ushers and he leads them to a side door and they found a group of four men in red waistcoats having a crafty cigarette in the alley. The Lance Corporals asked Mr Virens if there was a room they could interview the ushers in and he directed them to his office. The first usher was one Frederick Jones he described Lord Robert as being extremely agitated and he punched another of the ushers in the face. He said that he heard him say “This is ridiculous” and “They will not stand for it” beforehand. He also heard another person in the box and that he thought the accent was Klatchian but that he couldn’t tell if it was a man or a woman. He didn’t see the person. The second usher interviewed was Pierre Cardieu who was obviously from the bruise around his mouth the usher that Lord Robert struck, he confirmed what Lord Robert said but that he only recognised the accent as foreign. The third usher was Albert Johnson who confirmed what Lord Robert said and that he thought the accent of the other person was Howondalandese. The final usher interviewed was one Bryn Brennan who said that he couldn’t tell you what Lord Robert said due to deafness in his right ear but confirmed that the accent of the other person was foreign. He also said that when they returned to the box later there was no one there and only one glass. They all thought the box next to Lord Robert’s was empty.

 

Lance Corporal Gummidge asked Mr Virens if they could see who was in each box and he brings them a list. Lord Robert was in box 8 the last on that side, next to it in box 7 was Lord Rust, box 6 was usually reserved by Mr De Worde and box 5 was usually reserved by Lord Vetinari but neither were in attendance that night. Mr Von Lipwig was in box 4 on the opposite side, box 3 was usually reserved by Lady Snapcase but she was not there that night, box 2 was reserved by Lord Downey and box 1 directly opposite box 8 was reserved by Lady Venturi. Having got all the information they could the Lance Corporals decided to visit the Venturis. The other Lance Corporals were in the Watch House canteen. Corporal Nobby Nobbs asked them if they think it was a vampire, they said it looked that way but weren’t sure, Corporal Nobbs shouted to Sergeant Colon that it was a vampire. Sergeant Colon seemed very perturbed by this and said the Commander would not be happy. Sergeant Colon leaves and two Sergeants wearing red jackets, shakos and black ankle length shirts with a small bustle. One has long curly blond hair and carries two sabres which are more comparable to meat cleavers, the other is tall with black hair and the extended canines and pale skin of a vampire. When asked Corporal Nobbs says they are Sergeants Perks and Maladicta of the Borogravian army. A few seconds later another two people entered wearing a uniform more comparable to that of the City Watch one is an average height man and the other is a woman with long canines and pale skin. Corporal Nobbs volunteers that the woman is Captain Von Humperdinck of the Bonk-Schmaltzberg City Watch but he doesn’t know who the other man is. Lance Corporal Cinder begins to shadow them as they take a seat at a table with Sergeants Perks and Maladicta. Lance Corporal Valley sees Constable Ping sitting at another table and begins a conversation with him in Agatean but it provides nothing but a few details of his personal life.

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Session Two: 12th April
Revenge of the Reporters

Lance Corporals Gummidge, Knocks and Chant went to the Venturis House also on Scoone Avenue. The butler informed them that Lady Venturi would not be in until the evening and when Lance Corporal Gummidge tried to prevent him from closing the door the butler slammed it on his foot. Lance Corporal Knocks informs Gummidge that the butler was within his rights to do so as they had no warrant and were technically trespassing. They decided to go back to the Selachii’s to ask more questions.

 

Lance Corporals Cinder, Valley, Jerkson and Jenkins were in the canteen when Commander Vimes came in and presented them with that evening’s copy of the Ankh Morpork Times which included a piece on Otto Chriek being harassed by members of the Watch. Lance Corporal Valley immediately told on Lance Corporal Gummidge which did the exact opposite of impressing the Commander. The Lance Corporals decide to go looking for the other new recruits asking first at The Opera House.

 

Lance Corporals Gummidge, Knocks and Chant arrived back at the Selachii’s and asked Jeeves if they could question everybody in the house again in the drawing room where Lord Robert was murdered. In a moment of inspiration Lance Corporal Gummidge fetched a glass of water from the kitchen and poured it on the floor where it formed a puddle much like water would on any other floor. In interviewing everyone including Lady Selachii they discovered that one of Lord Robert’s close friends was Gravid Rust who was deported to Four Ecks for kidnapping and smuggling Goblins to Klatch to work on the tobacco plantations. They found out that the Rusts are probably not in town and decided to visit their house.

 

Meanwhile Lance Corporals Cinder, Valley, Jerkson and Jenkins went to Baker Street to see if they could talk to the members of the Uberwald League of Temperance. There was no one at the Meeting House, a gentleman carrying a tray of pies and sausages approached. They ask him if he knows what time they will be meeting, he says he’s not sure but he believes it would be at night. Jerkson and Cinder buy a sausage in a bun from C.M.O.T. Dibbler, almost immediately after finishing his sausage in a bun Cinder was struck with terrible cramps and was forced to go relieve himself in an alley.

 

Lance Corporals Gummidge, Knocks and Chant arrived at the Rust’s house to find that it looked very uninhabited. They went round the back and followed the garden wall until they found the gate which was locked. Lance Corporal Gummidge decided to climb the wall and investigate the garden where he found that nothing was amiss. Gummidge struggled to climb out of the garden but eventually was helped by Lance Corporal Chant. They decided to make their way back to the Watch House.

 

When they arrived back they met their fellow new recruits who were coincidentally also returning to the Watch House. When they entered Lance Corporal Gummidge was informed by Constable Ping who was serving on the duty desk that Commander Vimes wished to see him in his office. Gummidge goes up to the office and after playing knock and run for a bit (Kev, what is wrong with you) finally entered the office where he received a dressing down from the Commander who expects a detailed report from him first thing.

 

The Lance Corporals had completed their first days’ shift, Gummidge decided to sit and write his report while Chant wrote a letter to her mother. Cinder went to check on his device. Valley exchanges his Agatean quarter Rhinu with Jerkson for AM$20 (as he is terrified of bureaucrats) and then proceeded with Jenkins to have a drink and dinner at The Bucket where the new recruits had rooms. Jerkson went to the Bank and received AM$50 for the quarter Rhinu then he proceeded to make his way to The Bucket. Lance Corporal Knocks meets Constable Visit, a fellow Omnian, who informed him that they meet on Tuesday nights in Baker Street. Buoyed by this information Knocks made his way to the Bucket and ordered a sparkling water to celebrate.

 

Lance Corporal Gummidge completed his report and then handed it to Commander Vimes. Gummidge and Chant decided to go to the Venturi’s to see if Lady Venturi is in. When they arrived there was a party going on, Lady Venturi was happy to speak to them in the kitchen away from her guests. She confirms the details they learnt about Gravid Rust and also supplied them with the names Aldric and Jocasta Wiggs (please note I said Weams in the session but meant Wiggs), Aldric was friends with Lord Robert at the Assassins Guild School where all the well to do send their children. Gummidge and Chant then retire to The Bucket.

 

Lance Corporals Jerkson, Jenkins and Valley retrieve Cinder from his work on the device and go to Baker Street to question the Uberwald League of Temperance. They speak to John “Not a vampire at all” Smith who wears horrible woollen sweaters in an attempt to appear more human. Lance Corporal Valley apologised on behalf of the Watch and questioned Mr Smith, he confirmed that some vampires can turn into a bat, or many bats or just levitate or fly without changing their shape. He also insisted that no member of the league would attack a human and any insinuations or accusations to the contrary were the result of prejudice. They returned to The Bucket to sleep all except Cinder who went back to working on the device.

 

At 7am the next morning all except Cinder returned to the Watch House, Valley and Jerkson went to retrieve him and successfully dragged him away from the device. Gummidge and Chant went to talk to Commander Vimes and discuss their findings. Vimes says he would make an appointment with Drumknott at the Patrician’s Palace to look over Watch Records relating to Lord Robert and Gravid Rust. He also lets them know that the Wiggs live on Esoteric Street. Lance Corporals Chant and Gummidge decided to go and question the Wiggs.

 

Lance Corporals Cinder, Valley, Jerkson, Knocks and Jenkins paid a visit to Igor in the basement. Igor revealed that there were traces of Strychnine in Lord Robert’s skin, a powerful poison and paralytic that is also used to poison rats. Igor also said that a pneumatic machine could have been used to exsanguinate a body in 8 to 10 minutes but the process would be very noisy. Cinder, Jerkson and Jenkins decided to look for people that sold Strychnine while Valley and Knocks decided to go back to the Selachii’s.

 

Valley and Knocks were let in to the Selachii’s by Jeeves who allowed them to investigate the garden. There appeared to be no easy way for anyone to have climbed up to Lord Robert’s study. Jeeves fetched a ladder and Knocks climbed up to the window but found no sign of ingress. Beneath the window he discovered the nib of a fountain pen which clearly had dried black ink on it. They investigated an oak tree that provided a line of sight into the drawing room but there was no sign of someone having climbed up there. The gate at the end of the garden had rusted shut through disuse.

 

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Session Three: 19th April
Strychnine and Seamstresses

Lance Corporals Cinder, Jerkson and Jenkins in their search for Strychnine found themselves at Ye Olde Apothecary in Five and Seven Yard. Jenkins asked the proprietor if he had anything for rats and initially he suggested Warfarin but when they said they required something stronger like Strychnine which he said he had but it was a dollar a vial and they would have to sign the book. As Jenkins went to sign the book Cinder caused a distraction by climbing the shelves and near giving the poor apothecary a heart attack. Jenkins used this distraction to read the names of the people who had bought Strychnine before which were:

Augustus Jones

All Jolson

Hargar

X

Mrs Cake

Hubert Topsy

Igor

Igor

Igor

Igor

Cinder stopped his distraction and raced out the door. Jerkson and Jenkins apologised on his behalf and left with the vial of Strychnine and a list of names. While waiting outside Ye Olde Apothecary Cinder worked out that a machine with all the necessary pneumatic contrivances to exsanguinate a body would have to be 3ft by 3ft by 3ft and would be heavy and awkward to carry. They decided to go back to Scoone Avenue to question the Selachii’s neighbours.

 

Lance Corporals Gummidge and Chant made their way to number 9 Esoteric Street to a detached but not too ostentatious house. A young lady answered the knock at the door, she was dressed completely in black and was of average height, pleasant to look at but pretty unremarkable, she revealed herself to be Jocasta Wiggs and invited them into the drawing room. She revealed that she and her brother came from a long line of assassins and that he was often away on contracts whereas she was studying her PhD at the Guild of Assassins. On Lord Robert’s relationship with her brother she commented that Aldric only became friends with him and Gravid Rust to keep him safe from the other bullies, she herself was not very familiar with Lord Robert. When asked how she would have gone about assassinating Lord Robert she suggested methods which would have left marks on either the tree or the walls. She could also not see a way that she could easily remove Lord Robert’s body from the room. When asked about a machine that could be used to kill people she is stumped. She also revealed that Aldric was out running errands but would return soon and that they were welcome to wait for him to which they agreed. She ordered the maid to fetch them tea and while Jocasta was absorbed in her work Gummidge collected a sample for testing.

 

Having thoroughly investigated the garden Lance Corporals Valley and Knocks asked Jeeves if there was an attic and if they could go have a look in it. It was filled with mostly junk, dust sheets, the obligatory mannequin and two ghost children. There was no sign of anyone having been into the attic recently. The Lance Corporals asked Jeeves if he would show them the basement and when they arrived down there discovered that there was nothing but wine racks and a large stone salting table. Having conducted an impromptu experiment they discovered that sound from the cellar travelled well and could be heard from upstairs. They asked to speak to Evangeline and Mrs Hemmings who are in the kitchen cooking, when asked about Lord Robert and the Seamstresses they didn’t have much more than hearsay so Valley and Knocks paid a visit to Arris who told them that he would sometimes drop Lord Robert off near Rosie Palm’s House of Good Repute. The Lance Constables set off for Whore Pits.

 

When Aldric Wiggs returned he was a little surprised to see Lance Corporals Gummidge and Chant but not perturbed. He revealed that the last time he saw Lord Robert was at a gala at the Von Lipwigs and they only really engaged in small talk. He also mentioned that he was sure Lord Robert was not involved in the smuggling business that had resulted in Gravid Rust being deported to Four Ecks. When asked about Lord Roberts relationships Aldric mentioned that there was an engagement about five years before that had been broken off but he had no idea who the lady involved was. He confirmed that Lord Robert was indeed quick to anger and could be violent. Aldric also revealed that the heir to the Selachii fortune was his cousin Remora who lived in Quirm. When asked about a killing machine Aldric is, like his sister, bemused. Gummidge and Chant decide to return to the Watch House. On the way back Lance Corporal Gummidge buys a deer stalker and a pipe from the shops in Five and Seven Yard.

 

When Lance Corporals Cinder, Jerkson and Jenkins arrive at the Selachii’s they first try the door on the right but there is no answer. On trying the door on the left they are met with the suspicious gaze of reclusive plumbing genius Sir Charles Lavatory, who after Jerkson expresses interest in things ceramic invited them into his lavatory laboratory. Through questioning he revealed that he did not even know that Lord Robert had been killed and that on the night in question he had heard nothing. He became panicked at the thought his life might be in danger but after Cinder reminded him that death comes for us all he became absorbed in recording all his work for posterity. They left and decided to visit the Unseen University.

 

Lance Corporals Valley and Knocks travelled to the Whore Pits and found Rosie Palm’s. She was annoyed at having been woken up but despite this they managed to find out that Lord Robert had been barred from the services of the Seamstresses Guild two months before for violently mistreating Reet. Reet was asleep an unavailable for comment. After harassing Mrs Palm with pamphlets the Lance Corporals decided to go back to the Watch House.

 

When Lance Corporals Cinder, Jerkson and Jenkins arrived at the University a number of Wizards are gathered on the lawns trying to coax down the Bursar who is currently flying at third floor height. The Lance Corporals ask if they could help to which the Archchancellor said a net would be helpful. Cinder scrounged a net and the Archchancellor told them to follow the Chair of Indefinite Studies up to the third floor, they successfully snare the Bursar and he is bundled off to his quarters by the University Bledlows. The Archchancellor instructs Ponder Stibbens to take them to the Department of Post Mortem Communications as they requested. Once they arrived Ponder Stibbens hurried off and left them to meet Doctor Hix who was a little bit reticent about raising Lord Robert from the dead. However after a little light persuasion he agreed but said he would require Lord Robert’s body (or at least part of it), a signed letter from his family and a warrant signed by Commander Vimes. They say that they will get these things and then make their way back to the Watch House.

 

When Lance Corporals Gummidge and Chant got back to the Watch House they went straight to Commander Vimes’ office and collected their passes for the record rooms at the Patrician’s Palace. Lance Corporals Jerkson and Knocks decided that they would go to the Selachii’s, ask questions and stake out the house. Lance Corporals Valley, Cinder and Jenkins went to Commander Vimes’ office who rebuked their request for Lord Robert’s body and a warrant and said he did not want the wizards involved at all before he dismissed them. Changing tack they decided to talk to members of the undead community in the hopes of finding one of Death’s relatives so they can question him about Lord Robert’s death. They decided on Constable Shoe who according to Sergeant Littlebottom was out patrolling the Plaza of Broken Moons.

 

Lance Corporals Gummidge and Chant went to the Patrician’s Palace and after showing their passes were let in. Secretary Drumknott showed them to the record office and collected the information on the people on their list. The records showed that Gravid Rust had been deported to Four Ecks and was now living in Bugarup. Lord Ronald Rust was living at his country estate, Nonsuch Place. Lord Albert Selachii was living in his country estate Little Winging. Remora Selachii was living in Quirm teaching at The Quirm College for Young Ladies. Lord Robert Selachii was arrested for an assault he committed on a boot boy.

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Session Four: 26th April
Small Mediums and Rodents of Unusual Size

At the records office, Lance Corporals Gummidge and Chant were told the locations of the names they got from the list at Ye Olde Apothecary. Augustus Jones, a long standing member of the Ratcatchers Guild who can be found in the Long Bones Pub on Marrowbone High Street. Darryl “All” Jolson who runs a restaurant on Broad Street. Mrs Evadne Cake who is a medium who runs a boarding house at 17 Elm Street. Sham Harga who runs a restaurant called “Harga’s House of Ribs”. Gummidge and Chant decide to interview the people on the list.

 

Lance Corporals Cinder, Jenkins and Valley made their way to The Plaza of Broken Moons where they found Constable Shoe on patrol with Constable Pyjama. They asked if there were any relatives of Death in the city, he mentioned Susan Sto Helit and that she could usually be found at Biers, a bar in the shades. They made their way there finding a rather indistinct building with “Biers” scrawled above the doorway in chalk. Inside it was very dark and there were a number of patrons in the shadows a number of whom did not appear to be very human in shape. The landlord on being questioned said it was unlikely that a person could be raised from the dead if they had passed over. He said they could find Susan at her school which he said any person on the street would be able to direct them to.

 

Lance Corporals Jerkson and Knocks went to Commander Vimes to ask if they could go plain clothes and if there would be any over time. He said yes to plain clothes but no to over time. They went to Scoone Avenue and knocked on Sir Charles Lavatory’s door but he didn’t answer. Jerkson found a newspaper in which he cut eyeholes and stood on the opposite side of the street to the Selachii’s looking inconspicuous. Knocks went further up the street and began handing out pamphlets to passers by.

 

Lance Corporals Gummidge and Chant went to the Long Bones Pub, the landlord directed them to a back room where they found three men playing cards, drinking and smoking. The first they talked to turned out to be Augustus Jones who said of course he had Strychnine as he had the contract for the sewers and the rats down there are huge, this is confirmed by fellow Ratcatcher Bob. Gummidge and Chant decided that they could get no helpful answers from the Ratcatchers and decided to visit Mrs Cake.

 

Cinder, Jenkins and Valley visited the Sto Helit Academy and are shown up to the Headmistress’ Office. When asked about her Grandfather Susan was offended and compelled them to leave. They decided to go back to the Watchhouse.

 

On Scoone Avenue Mrs Hemmings left the Selachii’s with a covered basket and Knocks followed her to 17 Elm Street where she knocked on the door and was let in. Knocks decided to wait and see what happened. Gummidge and Chant arrived and after half an hour Mrs Hemmings left closing the door behind her, Knocks followed her and she made her way back to Scoone Avenue. Gummidge and Chant burst in to Mrs Cake’s, she is unhappy they didn’t knock. She said she would answer questions but wouldn’t sign the form Gummidge asked her to. Gummidge and Chant left.

 

When Knocks arrived back on Scoone Avenue and saw Mrs Hemmings go back inside the Selachii’s, he and Jerkson decided to go to Mrs Cake’s. They knocked on the door of 17 Elm Street and are invited in, Mrs Cake said Mrs Hemmings visited her weekly to speak to her husband who had died years before. She invited them to have a seance to try and speak to Lord Robert so they all sat down, joined hands and called on her spirit guide, One Man Bucket. One Man Bucket found Lord Robert who revealed that he didn’t see who killed him. He also said he was watching Le Fledermausmann at the Opera House, that it was Gravid Rust who he argued with and there was a conspiracy against Commander Vimes. He also said for them to “Tell Emma I never stopped loving her” and with that he passed over. Mrs Cake said she purchased the Strychnine for the rats in her basement as since the Bogeyman had moved out she’d been having problems and she used Strychnine as they were very large. Knocks went down to the basement and confirmed that these rats were indeed of an unusual size.

 

The Lance Corporals all went back to the Watchhouse and outside the Commander’s office run into Carrot just as he’s being told by Vimes that they “will find her”. The her in question was Captain Angua who was missing, she since early Sunday morning. The Lance Corporals told Commander Vimes what they had learnt about Gravid Rust’s Conspiracy and he alerted Sergeant Detritus via talking tube to go to his house and check on Lady Sybil and Young Sam. The Commander told them he was the one who found out about Gravid’s smuggling operation and was therefore the reason he’d been disinherited by his family leaving Regina Rust as the heir to the fortune. The Lance Corporals went to talk to Captain Carrot who grudgingly confirmed that Captain Angua was indeed a werewolf as Jerkson had correctly surmised and that she was on the night shift with Constable Dorfl early Sunday morning. Dorfl said that at around 6am on Sunday morning while on Gleam Street making their way back to the Watchhouse, Captain Angua had said she wanted to check something out and that she would meet Dorfl back at the Watchhouse. Dorfl confirmed that her not appearing back gave them no immediate cause for concern as she often investigated alone. Cinder and Jenkins decided to go and visit Mrs Cake to ask if she’d seen Captain Angua.

 

Lance Corporals Gummidge and Chant decided to go talk to the Assassins’ Guild as both Lord Robert and Gravid Rust had been educated there. A gentleman in black answered the door and revealed that no vampires had ever attended the School due to membership of the League of Temperance and that the upper classes were not in favour of integration by “lesser” races.

 

Lance Corporal Knocks went to Mrs Palm’s and asked for Reet who revealed that Lord Robert had beaten her because she’d asked if he’d ever been in love. Sadie and Dotsie threw him out and he been banned ever since. Mrs Palm says that she had no Emma working for her. He decided to go to the Opera House to try and track down Emma.

 

Lance Corporals Valley and Jerkson went to The Bucket on Gleam Street and asked the landlord, Charlie, if he’d seen anything that might shed light on Captain Angua’s disappearance but he had not. They approach Constable Precious Jolson who said she saw Captains Carrot and Angua on their way to Gimlet’s Hole Foods during the day on Saturday.

 

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Session Five: 17th May
Jilted Fiances and Sword Weilding Teachers

Lance Corporals Gummidge and Chant returned to the Watchhouse to see if they could get a warrant to search the Rust's city residence. They found the Watchhouse practically empty and Constable Ping at the duty desk who informed them that a warrant would require the Commander's signature. So Gummidge and Chant decided to go to Commander Vimes' house on Scoone Avenue to obtain a signature and find out more about the Rust family.

Lance Corporals Valley and Jerkson having questioned Constable Precious Jolson in The Bucket about Captain Angua, went out to the alley off Gleam Street. With his keen vision and observation skills Jerkson found a red leather dog collar and Valley found a clump of golden fur. Valley waited in the alley while Jerkson ran back to the Watchhouse and informed Constable Ping that they may have found evidence regarding Captain Angua's disappearance. Ping used the semaphore system to summon Sergeant Littlebottom who arrived a few minutes later with Constable Pyjama, with Jerkson they rushed to the alley. Pyjama summoned the Watchmen drinking in The Bucket as they passed and they cordoned off the area. Littlebottom began taking iconographs and collecting evidence then instructed Jerkson and Valley to go to Misbegot Bridge and find Gaspode, a member of the Canting Crew.

Lance Corporal's Cinders and Jenkins arrived at 17 Elm Street and knocked on Mrs Cake's door. She already knew they were there regarding Captain Angua's disappearance and showed them to the Captain's room. The room was rather bare and was clearly the abode of someone who only uses it for sleeping and getting ready, there was no sign that there had been any suspicious activity. Cinders and Jenkins asked whether they could have a seance to check whether Angua is still alive and Mrs Cake agreed. Her spirit guide, One Man Bucket, confirmed that Angua had not passed through and therefore was most likely still alive. Cinders and Jenkins thanked Mrs Cake and returned to the Watchhouse.

Lance Corporal Knocks made his way to the Opera House and found Flossy who said a woman called Emma Ferlassen worked there as a cleaner about five and a half years before. Knocks then spoke to Mr Virens who checked his records and confirmed that she had indeed worked there and that at the time she lived on Cockbill Street. So Knocks set out for Cockbill Street.

Lance Corporals Gummidge and Chant arrived at Commander Vimes' house which is one of the grandest on Scoone Avenue, Sergeant Detritus and Constable Dorfl were standing guard by the front door. They knocked for Gummidge and Chant and spoke to Wilikins, the butler, who allowed them to enter. Wilikins went upstairs to fetch Commander Vimes and shortly Gummdige and Chant heard a conversation between Vimes and he wife Lady Sybil Vimes nee Ramkin as they make their way downstairs. The conversation concerns fetching Young Sam from school and whereas Commander Vimes was insistent he be brought home immediately Lady Sybil believed he was safer where he was. The Lance Corporals asked Commander Vimes about seraching the Rust residence and he revealed that he'd already ordered a search which confirmed that there was no one currently living there or anything suspicious. He described Gravid Rust as an average looking man with brown hair and a waxed moustache whose defining characteristics were his pomposity and stupidity. Gummidge and Chant asked what events were taking place while the foreign delegations were in Ankh Morpork and he said that there was a reception at the Patrician's Palace the following evening (Wednesday night) and a reception at Unseen University on the Friday evening. He also confirmed that he and Lady Sybil would be in attendance and that he would see if he could get Gummidge and Chant on duty for the events. Once Lady Sybil left the foyer Vimes asked the Lance Corporals to go to the Sto Helit Academy and inform Miss Susan of the situation with Young Sam being at risk and for them to stay there until they were relieved. Gummidge and Chant made there way to the Sto Helit Academy.

Lance Corporals Valley and Jerkson arrived at Misbegot Bridge and asked a passerby where they could find the Canting Crew. They were informed that they lived on the river bank below the bridge. Valley and Jerkson went down the steps and found a group of men who were roughly dressed gathered round the campfire, there was also a small terrier like mongrel. They began asking after Gaspode and when they revealed it was concerning Captain Angua the terrier piped up and agreed to go with them to the alley.

Lance Corporals Cinders and Jenkins returned to the Watchhouse and reported to Constable Ping that Angua is alive. Ping was relieved and said that as it was late afternoon they could knock off where upon Cinders went to work on his machine and Jenkins went to the canteen.

Lance Corporal Knocks made his way to Cockbill Street entering The Shades via Chitling Street, he noticed that he was being followed and turns round to find himself face to face with the thief Here 'n' Now who was attempting to pickpocket him. Knocks attempted to convert him to Omnianism which was enough to scare off the thief. When Knocks arrived on Cockbill Street he found very dilapidated terrace houses that nonetheless had very clean front steps. He asked one of the women scrubbing her doorstep if she knew Emma Ferlassen and she said to ask Mrs Byers at number 17. Mrs Byers is a woman in her late twenties who informed him that Emma moved away about five years before but that she still visited. Knocks found out that Emma has a son who would be about 7 years old and that the boy's father dies when he was a baby and that he was a merchant seaman. She also told him that she now owns a shop on Welcome Soap so Knocks makes his way there.

Lance Corporals Gummidge and Chant arrived at The Sto Helit Academy just as the children have been let out. Miss Susan and another teacher were stood at the steps keeping an eye on the children who had yet to be collected and those that boarded there. When told of the risks posed to Sam Miss Susan said that he had already been collect by his nurse Verity but that she would come with them to make sure he was alright. She went into the school for a few minutes and came out in her cloak and with her sword at her belt. They left the academy and made their way down the most likely route to Cheapside and soon enough they came upon a scene where a young woman was shouting in much distress as she was manhandled by two masked assailants while a boy of about eleven was grabbed by another two would-be abductors. As they approached the boy managed to wrangle an arm free, turned and kicked one of the masked men square in the groin. The man doubled over and Susan drew her sword and holding it to the other man who let go of Young Sam and ran off down in the direction of Filigree Street. The man with the groin injury made off across Contract Bridge and the two men holding Verity released her and ran down Rime Street. Chant used her blow pipe and hit one of the men running down Rime Street in the neck with a dart which slowed him slightly and she pursued him. Gummidge pursued the man onto Contact Bridge and shouted for the passers by to stop him which they ignored, he shouted again this time promising a monetary reward at which point fifteen people tackled the man.  Chant chased the two men onto Easy Street but lost them in the crowd, she went back and found Gummidge trying to barter with the crowd who were demanding their reward. Susan approached and in an otherwordly voice compelled them to hand over the man. Gummidge and Chant unmasked him and found a human who from his looks was a hired thug. Gummidge and Chant made their way back to the Watchhouse with Susan who had an arm around Verity and held Young Sam's hand which despite his age he did not seem to mind.

Lance Corporals Valley and Jerkson arrived at the alley with Gaspode who on smelling the crime scene said they used Oil of Scallatine which masked every other scent which when fresh could disable someone with a powerful sense of smell. He follows the scent of Scallatine in the direction of Cable Street but finds that it had been tracked in every direction at the junction so there was no way of knowing which direction they took. Valley and Jerkson thanked Gaspode and went back to the Watchhouse.

Lance Corporal Knocks arrived at Welcome Soap, a pleasant street with small shops and a wealth of tea rooms. He went into the Haberdashery and the old lady told him that Emma ran the Milliners. Knocks goes to the Milliners and announces himself, Emma invited him into the parlour and closed the shop. She explained that she met Lord Robert outside the Opera House and they started a relationship eventually becoming engaged. At this time her son, Jimmy, was two years old and Robert would read Where's My Cow to him, the boy is now seven and a half and attends the Sto Helit Academy. Mr Ferlassen, Jimmy's father, was a merchant seaman and had drowned when he was only six months old. The engagement was broken off after Lady Selachii said he would be disinherited if he married Emma. She said she was aware of his temper and knew he could be a bastard but also that he was never a bastard to her or Jimmy. After the engagement was broken off she began to receive anonymous cards every Hogswatch and Soul-Cake Tuesday which contained $200. She presumed they came from Lord Robert, and she used some of the money to buy the Milliners but most of it she saved for Jimmy's future. Knocks told her that he had spoken to Robert from the other side and that he said he still loved her. She seemed disbelieving but not annoyed and asked if she could be alone. Knocks thanked her and returned to the Watchhouse.

 

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Session Six: 24th May
Scallatyne & Sleeping Potion

Lance Corporals Chant and Gummidge having arrived back at the Watchhouse asked Ping to send for Commander Vimes and also warned him that a mob may show up demanding money. Sergeant Colon entered and escorted the prisoner down to the cells followed by Gummidge and Chant. There are four cells and Corporal Nobbs was asleep at the desk facing them, Sergeant Colon woke him up as he locked the prisoner in a cell and said that they would watch him while they awaited Commander Vimes. Gummidge and Chant went upstairs and found Susan, Verity and Young Sam in the canteen, they questioned them about the frequency of such kidnapping attempts but found that this was an unusual occurrence. Commander Vimes and Lady Sybil arrived who were very relieved to find their son unharmed. Commander Vimes said they would let the prisoner stew overnight and said that they could all clock off.

On her way back to The Bucket Chant purchased a sleeping potion for her darts from Ye Olde Apothecary in Five and Seven Yard and once she arrived back in her room tipped five of them with it. Jerkson and Gummidge also returned to The Bucket where they decided to get very drunk indeed. Cinders made his way back to his machine using his single dollar to buy a very loud alarm clock on the way. Jenkins began to clean the canteen in the Watchhouse.

Knocks went to Morphic Street to meet with his fellow Omnians, when he arrived at the Meeting House he was heartily welcomed as his joining meant they now numbered 8, the largest their numbers have ever been in Ankh Morpork. Knocks used his skills in oration to convince the others that they must do more to convert people. After much discussion they decided that a picture of the Temple in Omnia on the pamphlets would be the best way to gather new worshippers. Knocks talks to Constable Visit after the meeting as he is on his way back to the Watchhouse for his shift. Knocks learns nothing new regarding the case and makes his way back to The Bucket for a good night's sleep. Meanwhile Lance Corporal Valley went to the Lady Sybil Free Hospital to investigate in his spare time, however when he entered he saw a Nurse filing and this triggered memories of evil bureaucrats and he was so scared he ran straight back to The Bucket and cowered under his covers for the rest of the night. Jerkson and Gummidge got very drunk and Gummidge proceeded to brag that he was responsible for capturing the kidnapper single handedly. He convinced not only the other members of the City Watch present but also himself.

The following morning Jerkson and Gummidge awoke surprisingly fresh and spritely and made their way to the Watchhouse. Valley awoke from a deep and dreamless sleep and he, Chant and Knocks also went to the Watchhouse. Cinders was woken by the extremely loud alarm clock as was most of the surrounding area. Once they arrived at the Watchhouse they found that Jenkins once she had begun cleaning was unable to stop and the entire place was  gleaming. They all gathered in the canteen and Commander Vimes invited Gummidge and Chant to join him in questioning the prisoner.

The prisoner did not look like he had slept much but he did look very clean. When questioned he revealed his name to be Jim Smith but wouldn't reveal anything else until Gummidge intimidated him with weirdness. He told them that he and three other men called Smith had been hired by a hooded man in the Troll's Head the Friday night before. Apparently it was usual for all sorts of shady dealings to occur in the Troll's Head. They didn't see his face but Jim Smith said he had a strange accent. Chant and Gummidge ascertained that he was telling the truth and that as unlikely as it would seem all the men were called Smith. Having successfully interrogated the prisoner Commander Vimes said that Gummidge and Chant could be part of the contingent at the Patrician's Palace that night. Gummidge and Chant decided that they should go pay a visit to the Troll's Head.

Lance Corporals Valley, Jerkson, Cinder, Knocks and Jenkins paid a visit to Igor who confirmed that there were traces of Oil of Scallatyne on the fur and collar. He also said it was a very rare oil originating from Bhangbhangduk from the fruit of a very rare tree that only fruited once every fifteen years. It's main use is in perfume in very miniscule amounts. Having learnt this Cinder and Jerkson decided to go to the Alchemists' Guild and Knocks, Valley and Jenkins decided to go to the hospital to investigate further.

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Session Seven: 31st May
There's been a MURDER!!!

Lance Corporals Cinder and Jerkson made their way to the Alchemists Guild and discovered that they had Oil of Scallatyne and their supply was untouched. They revealed that they got it from the source in Bhangbhangduc. The Lance Corporals asked what perfumes used it but the Alchemist didn't know and suggested that the proprietors of Shatta, a high end fashion house, might know.

Lance Corporals Chant and Gummidge made their way to the Troll's Head and questioned the innkeeper. He said that he directed the mysterious hooded man to the Smiths for the job and said he had a foreign accent that he couldn't place but he had no other information. The Lance Corporals then questioned Old Bill a drunk who slept on one of the benches in The Troll's Head. He didn't know much about the hooded man but recalled him talking to the Smiths, he did however have say that Captain Melville regularly travels back and forth from Klatch. So Gummidge and Chant made their way to the Docks.

Lance Corporals Knocks, Valley and Jenkins went to the Lady Sybil Free Hospital where Dr Lawn helped them with their enquiries. He revealed that there was no Strychnine missing and that they didn't stock Oil of Scallatyne. There had also been no Mr Smith admitted although a Mrs Smith had been admitted after an incident with a broom.

Lance Corporals Cinder and Jerkson arrived at Shatta and spoke to a Dwarf who instructed them to go to Grabpot Thundergust's Cosmetic Factory. Once there they discovered that the stockroom had been broken into and 1ml of oil of Scallatyne had been stolen although Mr Thudergust had not noticed this before. Cinder guarded the crime scene while Jerkson went back to the Watchhouse to report the crime.

Chant & Gummidge arrived at the Docks and after questioning a fisherman find a called the White Whale. On board they found Captain Ishmael Melville who said that he had 8 members of crew and occasionally 2 passengers. They last arrived from Klatch on Friday and there was a passenger named James Faust on board, who was posh, fairly tall and had brown hair. They searched the cabin and found an exotic seedpod in a drawer. Bidding farewell to Captain Melville they asked the Customs Officer where they could find a botanist and he suggested Unseen University.

Knocks, Valley and Jenkins on their way to the Watchhouse were informed that there had been a murder in Lobbin Clout. When they arrived on the scene, Mr De Worde of the Ankh Morpork Times was arguing about freedom of the press with Sergeant Littlebottom and Otto Chriek was taking iconographs. Knocks recognised the victim as Reet, a seamstress he'd met at Mrs Palm's. One of the crowd that had gathered noticed that there were holes in Reet's neck and people started whispering about vampires at which point Otto and Mr De Worde made a hasty retreat. The officers on the scene pushed back the crowds and the Lance Corporals discovered a City Watch badge in one of the dustbins. Valley decided to go find Gaspode to see if there is any scent to follow while Jenkins went to question Mrs Palm.

When Jerkson arrived back at the Watchhouse he discovered it nearly empty and Constable Reg Shoe on the duty desk. He gave him an iconograph and evidence bags as there was no one else around to help they all having rushed to the murder scene. Jerkson returned to the factory.

Gummidge and Chant arrived at the University and were instructed to talk to the Egregious Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography aka Rincewind. He identified the seedpod as coming from Four Ecks and that it grows into a tree very quickly once exposed to water. The Lance Corporals left the seedpod with him and went back to the Watchhouse.

Lance Corporal Jenkins arrived at Mrs Palm's and discovered that Reet had been on her way to visit her friend Agnes Sugarbean in Dolly Sisters and had left wearing a blue dress at 6pm the previous evening. Her last client was Mr Boggis, head of the Thieves' Guild the night before. Jenkins checked Reet's room but found nothing and then made her way back to Lobbin Clout.

Lance Corporal Valley tracked down Gaspode who accompanied him back to Lobbin Clout,the dog said the badge was definitely Angua's and there were traces of Oil of Scallatyne but no trail to follow. Valley, Jenkins and Knocks decided to visit Agnes Sugarbean.

Jerkson arrived back at Grabpot Thudergust's they collected paint flecks from where the previously painted shut window had been opened. In the alley outside the window they found pawprints in the dust that turned into footprints and discovered a tuft of grey fur caught on the window frame. Grabpot confirmed that he had never employed a werewolf and that he didn't always keep the storeroom locked or track of who entered it or the factory.

Lance Corporals Jenkins, Valley and Knocks arrived at Agnes Sugarbean's. She didn't know anything useful but revealed that Reet often visited her. Valley broke the news to her and she was taken a back. The Lance Corporals decided to go to the University.

 

 

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Session Eight: 7th June
Banshees and Explosions

Lance Corporals Jenkins, Valley and Knocks went to Unseen University and met the Librarian who found them some books, Gubbins Mythical Beast's Lore, A Compendium of Cryptids and An Encyclopedia of Mythical and Not So Mythical Beasts. They learnt that Banshees are carnivorous, have night vision, excellent hearing and smell and are just as intelligent as humans. They decided to head back to the Watchhouse as did Lance Corporals Cinder, Jerkson, Gummidge and Chant.

Just after they reached Pseudopolis Yard they heard an explosion from the Alchemist's Guild. Lance Corporals Jerkson and Jenkins stayed at the Watchhouse to do paperwork while the rest moved toward the explosion. They bumped into an Alchemist who was unsure what caused the explosion. As they moved into the cloud of dust the ground gives way and they find themselves in an old sewer. Chant and Cinder notice drips of blood and the group follows the trail down the dark tunnels whereupon they found a body by a grate. The corpse's clothes were black and good quality with black leather boots and his throat ripped out. His hair was brown but red where it had been soaking in the water, on his person were a gold pocket watch inscribed with G.R. on the inside, bank notes and gold coins.

Chant, Gummidge and Valley remained with the body while Knocks and Cinder went back to the hole, Knocks threw Cinder up and he managed to scrounge a torch which he gave to Knocks before he went to the Watchhouse. Valley examined the body further but there was nothing else. Cinder found Igor and Littlebottom at the Watchhouse who accompanied him back to the hole with a ladder. When they reached the body Igor examined him and said that he had been dead for two or three days. Littlebottom took some iconographs and wrapped the body in sheet before having it taken back to the Watchhouse. Gummidge remained in the sewer while the others helped Littlebottom to take the body back to the Watchhouse.

Once the body was safely in Igor's Lab Jerkson, Cinder, Valley, Chant and Knocks went back to the hole and joined Gummidge. They followed the trail in the opposite direction from where they found the body, eventually found the ladder up to a manhole which came out in Hen and Chickens Yard. There were a couple of drops of blood on the side that was in the direction of Scoone Avenue. Chant took a sample of the blood and she and Cinder returned to the Watchhouse. Valley, Knocks, Jerkson and Gummidge went to Scoone Avenue.

Knocks knocked on the Selachii's door and Jeeves said that Lady Selachii was at her son's funeral at the Temple of Blind Io. When Jeeves closed the door a roof tile fell onto the street which had blood on it and he could see red on the roof. They ask Jeeves if they can go up to the attic and once there Gummidge climbs onto the roof with a rope tied round his waist while Knocks ties the other end round a beam. Gummidge sees a large amount of blood, hair and skin on the roof and collects some evidence before he decided to stake out the roof. Knocks took the evidence back to the Watchhouse.

In Igor's laboratory Sally and Maledicta confirmed that the blood from the sewer and the roof came from the corpse.

 

 

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