Death of a Selachii

Session One: 5th April

Murder Most Morporkian

Our heroes arrived at Pseudopolis Yard bright and early, and were greeted by Sergeant Cheery Littlebottom at the front desk. When they revealed they were the new recruits she went to fetch Sergeant Colon. He took the new recruits out to the yard to find uniforms and finds out their names. They went to the canteen where Commander Vimes addresses all the watch mentioning that this week is important due to a trade agreement being signed by Borogravia, Slobenia and Uberwald. He instructed a number of the Watch on their patrols when he was interrupted by Constables Ping and Dorfl rushing in declaring that there had been a murder. Commander Vimes instructed Sergeant Littlebottom to take Constable Dorfl and the new recruits to the crime scene. When they arrived on Scoone Avenue there was already a large crowd assembled as Lady Selachii was screaming that a vampire murdered her son. Sacharissa Cripslock and Otto Chriek of the Ankh Morpork Times were also there making notes and taking pictures. Constables Bluejohn and Micah are kept the crowd back while Lady Selachii was supported by her butler. The housekeeper and maid stood on the steps. Sergeant Littlebottom asked Jeeves if he could show them crime scene and he agreed and left Lady Selachii with the housekeeper.


After following Jeeves up the stairs, down the hallway and enter one of the rooms on the left they entered the drawing room. Lord Robert was slumped in the wingback chair in front of the fireplace, his arms hang lifeless over the arms of the chair and his head leant over to the right revealing two wounds on his neck. Sergeant Littlebottom took a number of iconographs and Constable Bluejohn came in carrying a sheet which he used to wrap the body before carrying it out of the room. Lance Corporal Gummidge investigated the area by the fireplace and found broken glass on the floor with liquid that smelt alcoholic. Lance Corporal Cinder investigated under the chair and desk and found that there was a crack in the leg and also that the rug had been moved. Lance Corporal Valley investigated the desk and found a letter that read "Dear Father, I regret to…". There was no quill on the desk and the window above it was open which Jeeves confirmed was closed when he left Lord Robert. Lance Corporal Gummidge jimmied open the desk drawers with his pike as only Lord Robert had the key. The drawers contained two $100 bank notes and one $200 bank note, writing paper, miscellaneous stationary and a copy of the children's book "Where's My Cow?". Sergeant Littlebottom gathered the evidence and placed it in bags.


The Lance Corporals questioned Jeeves about the events of the previous evening and discovered that Lord Robert went to the Opera but returned at around 10pm, earlier than expected, drunk and agitated. It was revealed that the glass on the floor was from Lord Robert knocking the decanter off the sideboard, he dismissed Jeeves before he could clean it up and locked the door behind the Butler, at which point Jeeves retired to bed. He also mentioned that Lady Selachii, Evangeline and Mrs Hemmings, the housekeeper, had retired before Lord Robert returned. Lance Corporal Jenkins investigated the room to the right of the drawing room and discovered nothing but furniture covered with dust sheets and the smell of disuse. As Jeeves lead them to the kitchen to question Evangeline, the maid, they looked in other rooms and discovered that most were similarly covered with dust sheets. There was one other small drawing room with similar furniture as Lord Robert's but with a few more feminine touches. Evangeline was waiting in the kitchen. She revealed that she found the body when she took Lord Robert his morning coffee. When questioned she revealed that Lord Selachii, Lord Robert's father, has not been in Ankh Morpork for six years. She also revealed that Lord Robert does not have any lady friends although he may visit the Ladies of negotiable affection. She also mentioned that there was a long running feud between the Selachiis and the Venturis. Evangeline said that Arris drove him to and from the Opera House and that he can be found in the stable yard.


The Lance Corporals go out to the stable yard and find Arris shoveling up after the horses of which there are two, he tells them that he took Lord Robert to the Opera House around 6.30pm. While he was inside Arris went round the back to see his girlfriend Flossy who is apprenticed to the costume department, he was having a cup of tea when one of the stage hands told him Lord Robert was leaving in a terrible temper. Arris went back to the carriage and noticed Lord Robert was mumbling angrily as he slammed the door behind himself. Lance Corporal Gummidge then entered a line of questioning that Arris found offensive and he refused to answer anymore questions. The Lance Corporals investgated the carriage but all they found was a black handkerchief monogrammed with Lord Robert’s initials. When they reentered the house they found Lady Selachii in the hallway. She confirmed that she was already in bed by the time Lord Robert returned from the Opera and that she ate dinner alone as per usual. Lance Corporal Valley used his diagnostic skills to see if there was anything wrong with her that might prevent her from going out but it turned out she’s just an old and very disagreeable lady. The questioning upset Lady Selachii and she refused to continue talking and made her way upstairs closely followed by Mrs Hemmings. Jeeves showed the Lance Corporals out.


When they stepped out on to the street the crowd had grown larger and were asking questions which the Lance Corporals did their best to deflect. Lance Corporal Knocks seized his opportunity to introduce the rapt crowd to the wonders of Om but as soon as he began to ask if they were familiar with his chosen deity the crowd dispersed quickly. Lance Corporal Gummidge began questioning Otto Chriek of the Ankh Morpork Times and asked him to empty his pockets. The vampire surprised and bewildered began to do so when Sacharissa Cripslock stopped him and began to question Lance Corporal Gummidge. Just then Commander Vimes arrived with Sergeant Detritus and he demanded that Miss Cripslock leave immediately, she complied and escorted a tearful Otto away. The Lance Corporals revealed to Commander Vimes what they found and suggested that the Venturis could have been behind the murder. Commander Vimes dismisses this and said that if the Venturis were to have done it they would have hired an assassin who would have left a note. He suggested that the best use of their time would be to look at Lord Robert’s body and to question staff at the Opera House. Lance Corporals Gummidge, Chant and Knocks volunteered to go to the Opera House while Lance Corporals Valley, Jerkson, Jenkins and Cinder volunteered to go to the morgue at the Watch house.


Lance Corporals Gummidge, Chant and Knocks arrived at the Opera House and found the front doors locked so made their way to the stage doors at the side. An old man answered, let them in and then went to find Flossy. She confirmed what Arris told them and that she didn’t know anything more. At their request she went to fetch the Opera House manager Mr Virens. He revealed that Lord Robert had been arguing with someone in his box and when he came out he got into an altercation with the ushers and punched one of them and that he had to be forcibly ejected from the Opera House. The Lance Corporals asked if they could question the ushers and Mr Virens agreed although he said they wouldn’t be in until noon, it being only 10am they decide to go get a drink and return after 12pm.


Lance Corporals Valley, Jerkson, Jenkins and Cinder arrived back at the Watch house and were directed to the basement where they met Igor, the Watch’s resident surgeon and mortician. He showed them the body of Lord Robert and directed them to his belongings. The Lance Corporals investigated the belongings which are the usual three piece suit made of high quality fabric in black, the only other contents are a pocket watch in the waistcoat. There is no sign of the quill or the desk drawer key. When asked Igor confirmed that the wounds were comparable to a vampire bite and he would know as he was from Uberwald. Lance Corporal Valley examines the body and discovered that to the left of the wounds on his neck was a tiny red dot. Igor said that he and Sergeant Littlebottom had yet to carry out any chemical tests but that they would let the Lance Corporals know the results. The Lance Corporals go to the canteen to wait for their comrades.


At around 1pm Lance Corporals Gummidge, Chant and Knocks returned to the Opera House and found the front doors were now open. They asked Mr Virens to speak to the ushers and he leads them to a side door and they found a group of four men in red waistcoats having a crafty cigarette in the alley. The Lance Corporals asked Mr Virens if there was a room they could interview the ushers in and he directed them to his office. The first usher was one Frederick Jones he described Lord Robert as being extremely agitated and he punched another of the ushers in the face. He said that he heard him say “This is ridiculous” and “They will not stand for it” beforehand. He also heard another person in the box and that he thought the accent was Klatchian but that he couldn’t tell if it was a man or a woman. He didn’t see the person. The second usher interviewed was Pierre Cardieu who was obviously from the bruise around his mouth the usher that Lord Robert struck, he confirmed what Lord Robert said but that he only recognised the accent as foreign. The third usher was Albert Johnson who confirmed what Lord Robert said and that he thought the accent of the other person was Howondalandese. The final usher interviewed was one Bryn Brennan who said that he couldn’t tell you what Lord Robert said due to deafness in his right ear but confirmed that the accent of the other person was foreign. He also said that when they returned to the box later there was no one there and only one glass. They all thought the box next to Lord Robert’s was empty.


Lance Corporal Gummidge asked Mr Virens if they could see who was in each box and he brings them a list. Lord Robert was in box 8 the last on that side, next to it in box 7 was Lord Rust, box 6 was usually reserved by Mr De Worde and box 5 was usually reserved by Lord Vetinari but neither were in attendance that night. Mr Von Lipwig was in box 4 on the opposite side, box 3 was usually reserved by Lady Snapcase but she was not there that night, box 2 was reserved by Lord Downey and box 1 directly opposite box 8 was reserved by Lady Venturi. Having got all the information they could the Lance Corporals decided to visit the Venturis. The other Lance Corporals were in the Watch House canteen. Corporal Nobby Nobbs asked them if they think it was a vampire, they said it looked that way but weren’t sure, Corporal Nobbs shouted to Sergeant Colon that it was a vampire. Sergeant Colon seemed very perturbed by this and said the Commander would not be happy. Sergeant Colon leaves and two Sergeants wearing red jackets, shakos and black ankle length shirts with a small bustle. One has long curly blond hair and carries two sabres which are more comparable to meat cleavers, the other is tall with black hair and the extended canines and pale skin of a vampire. When asked Corporal Nobbs says they are Sergeants Perks and Maladicta of the Borogravian army. A few seconds later another two people entered wearing a uniform more comparable to that of the City Watch one is an average height man and the other is a woman with long canines and pale skin. Corporal Nobbs volunteers that the woman is Captain Von Humperdinck of the Bonk-Schmaltzberg City Watch but he doesn’t know who the other man is. Lance Corporal Cinder begins to shadow them as they take a seat at a table with Sergeants Perks and Maladicta. Lance Corporal Valley sees Constable Ping sitting at another table and begins a conversation with him in Agatean but it provides nothing but a few details of his personal life.



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